Apostrophe -or- Ballad
Sestina -or- Pantoum
Elegy
Post the two-three poems you like the best out of the group from this packet. Include the style you chose to explore.
After your poem, write a few sentences about why you like these particular poems.
In addition, write one question you have about how you can improve your poem. - Peers are assigned to respond to these questions on a regular basis.
Click on "__ comments" at the bottom of this post to publish your comments. Under "Choose an identity", select "Name/URL" and enter your name. First initial and Last name are the best. Sign your post with your real name. I cannot give you credit if I do not know who you are.
DUE: Wednesday, February 2
Apostrophe
ReplyDeleteOh purple, Im assuming you have no clue
No idea as to what it is you do
To my heart, to my feelings,
Even to the way I think
You can calm me, and keep me so
Even if my capsized boat was about to sink
There are so many instances, moments,
Time that you lift me up
But your never there to thank
And wont be when it's all said and done
I like this poem partially because I like writing about colors, and also because I think of this as "giving grace" to my favorite color, the color purple.
Is this enjoyable to read? Its really shallow and extremley straightforward and I was hoping it's simplicity and straightforwardness got it across immediatley. I guess I wanted it to be more about the idea than the actual lines of the poem. Did that happen? Did it work?
Pantoum
Once a novice, never again
Prepare to be the best
Because practice makes perfect
But some efforts come to no avail
Prepare to be the best
Never give up on yourself
But some efforts come to no avail
Attempt, because it does matter
Never give up on yourself
If there is nothing to lose
Attempt, because it does matter
That is, IF you have nothing to lose
I like this poem because although I tried switching lines and such, it worked the best this way, the way I had originally written it.
My question is if its to generic? I feel like alot of people write poems about life problems or societies problems. Do you think that void's any meaning in the poem?
Apostrophe
ReplyDeleteoh iphone! you never fail to entertain me. How you manage to have so much entertainment in something so little I dont know.From facebook to bubble shooter you always have something to fit my mood.You fit in my pocket so perfectly thanks to your slim shape. I dont know what I would do without you.
I like this poem because it is about something i use all the time, so it wasn't hard to "tell" it what i like about it .
is this poem long enough, do I need to add more to complete it?
Pantoum
A white sheet covers the world we know
when snow flakes fall
and outside becomes a playground for children
so much can happen in this winter wonderland
When snow flakes fall
everything becomes quiet and calm
so much can happen in this winter wonderland
as the leaves of fall are replaced
everything becomes quiet and calm
while people watch the snow create peace
as the leave of fall are replaced
a new emotion is felt
I like this poem because I thought of the topic after we talked about going outside to do nature writing, and because i think snow is a pretty evil. so this poem is about the pretty part
i kind of just wrote this poem and blanked when i was thinking of ways to fix it. Do the lines of this poem make sense together?
-Reema
Ballad
ReplyDeleteYou see me here
Standing right in front of you
Through these rolling tears
I make my life very true
I am part of this fire
The flames burn within my heart
You make me so tired
Just from the very start
We use to be in harmony
Today is just a big mess
Everyday we were just living happily
But now we are growing less
I like this poem because it allowed for me to write something like a song and it just flowed through me
I was just wondering should I add more to it and make it complete?
Pantoum
I make my day short
With music of bliss
I dance through my soul
I try my hardest to never miss
With music of bliss
My heart protects me
I try my hardest to never miss
But isn’t society against we
My heart protects me
All through the day and all through the night
But isn’t society against we
No wait, we shall not freight
I liked this poem because it gave you a challenge to having to work with the same lines yet having to make each stanza into totally something different.
My question is, should i make this sound more connected?
Kierra Morris
ReplyDeleteBallad
Not knowing what would come
Not knowing what to expect
I deceived to conquer my fears
After years and years of neglect
Walking through the doors of the corridors
I was so confused
I felt so much hurt and pain bottled inside
I felt washed up and used
Staring across the table from me
Was the person I was suppose to call father
He didn’t love me,
He didn’t want me, everything was such a bother
After hours and hours of talk
I decided to let everything go
We eventually decided to take a walk
But after everything its worth, what was it?
Pantoum
Are you an attention seeker?
Are you a path finder?
Are you and outsider?
Have you discovered you true self?
Are you a path finder?
Have you discovered individuality?
Have you discovered your true self?
Are you still lost in this thing called life?
Have you discovered individuality?
A million questions to be answered
Are you still lost in this thing called life?
How are you in society?
Apostrophe
ReplyDeleteIPod.
I know you cant hear me,
but you have to be my favorite thing on this earth.
I listen to you at least 6 hours a day and keep you
charged at night while I lay.
Lupe, J.Cole, Nicki Minaj, to name a few.
You are what I play at night when I’m happy or sad
to get me through.
With your colorful touchable screen, and endless app store,
IPod touch you’re the best and keep me wanting more.
When those white buds go in my ear and I’m connected
to you, I zone out I’m in my own world.
No judgment or insults, I’m totally free, just you
the artist and the real me.
Pantoum
Soul.
The eyes are keys
Keys to ones soul
We look deeply in them for answers
Sometimes answers shouldn’t be the goal
Keys to ones soul
They explain a lot
We look deeply in them for answers
Connecting people one glance at a time
They explain a lot
Sinful Blue, buttery brown
Connecting people one glance at a time
Without them we wouldn’t survive
Sinful blue, buttery brown
The portal to relationships
Without them we couldn’t survive
Evoking emotions in a tedious way.
I liked these poems because they brought out a different side of me. I especially liked the Pantoum, because I think poems flow well when repeating lines.
Did i end the last poem soul okay? i don't no how I feel about the last stanza.
Apostrophe:
ReplyDeleteO America !
When I will be back home soon,
I will look up to the moon,
wishing I was in the States,
spending all day with my mates.
I will miss the Way of Life,
and shortie - my facebook-wife.
I'll come back, trust me in that,
even food wasn't that bad.
Strikes and gutters, ups and downs,
I just like the way it sounds.
The most exciting year of all,
believe me that ; I had a ball.
Pantoum:
Everything is dark and cold,
I can't see the shining sun.
Won't be here at summertime
Have to leave it all behind.
I can't see the shining sun,
sky is grey and grass is white.
Have to leave it all behind
someday you'll see me again.
Sky is grey and grass is white,
trees are missing all their leaves.
Someday you'll see me again,
My smile'll be bigger than the sun's.
Trees are missing all their leaves,
Everything is dark and cold.
My smile'll be bigger than the sun's,
when I'll be here at summertime!
I like these two poems, because I think the first one rhymes well and I enjoyed to write and read it. I expected the Pantoum to be harder to write, but it went pretty good and I like that I repeated every line even in the last stanza.
I have the feeling that the second poem sounds a little too depressive. What do you think?
Karl Schmelzing
Pantoum:
ReplyDeleteHow do you describe color to a blind man?
For one who can’t see has the right to know
What it is like beyond his hollow world
I would paint a picture with the other senses
For one who can’t see has the right to know
Like touch or taste or smell or sound
I would paint a picture with the other senses
I’d say the color orange is not as tart as lemon
Like touch or taste or smell or sound
Not as prickly as a pineapple, but stronger than a kiwi
I would paint a picture with the other senses
Because if I were blind, I’d like to know.
I found this poem very difficult to write because each time I had to abide to the directions of repeating lines, the poem wouldn't make sense. Does it make sense? If not, any suggestions?
Elegy:
“Call it irony,
fate or simply,
an accident,” says NY Times.
Ode to James Heselden,
The Segway Man
Who died while driving a Segway.
He left us with a priceless gift,
Highly valued by the American.
If it weren’t for Heselden, and his person-mover,
God knows how today’s tourists could
Make the trek from Ghirardelli to the John Hancock
With chocolate fudge ice cream in hand.
I thought it was kind of ironic that the guy who owned segway died on one. And while the fact that he died is not funny at all, I thought it would be interesting to write an elegy to him. Is there anything I should add or delete?
Apostrophe
ReplyDeleteTime, that most peculiar of companions.
Never judging, never cheating,
Never blessing, never blaming,
Just moving along until your time is up.
A dimension, a space,
Often called the fourth.
But are you really, or are you something more?
Perhaps more fundamental.
Time, inescapable master.
Traversable path.
Are you all laid out,
Or do you grow with our choices?
I like this one because I finally managed to work my nerdiness into a poem. It's harder than I thought it would be. As a poem type, Apostrophe doesn't hold that much interest, but I definitely see it as a common type, easily applicable.
Do I try to touch upon too many aspects of time in too short a space?
Pantoum
Ode to Brian Jacques
Farewell to a father of adventure
The woods will miss his presence.
Farewell to a lord of stories,
I have missed my chance.
The woods will miss his presence,
The books will feel different now.
I have missed my chance,
To meet a childhood hero.
The books will feel different now,
Full of a sense of spirit
To meet a childhood hero,
I will continue to read them.
Full of a sense of a spirit,
I gaze upon those books now,
I will continue to read them,
The stories that inspired my writing.
I gaze upon those books now,
And though I am filled with sorrow,
The stories that inspired my writing,
They can only fill me with joy.
And though I am filled with sorrow,
I say with faith and convinction,
They can only fill me with joy.
Farewell to an unmet teacher.
I say with faith and conviction,
Farewell to a father of adventure,
Farewell to an unmet teacher,
Farewell to a lord of stories.
I wrote this shortly after discovering that Brian Jacques, the author who's books motivated me to try my hand at writing stories, died recently. The reason it's not an Elegy is because I was all set out to write a Pantoum when I heard about his death and decided to write a poem about it. Actually though, I feel this a more suitable tribute to him than an Elegy because he was quite the poet himself, and favored artistic, song-like, puzzle poems, so it seems fitting that I should write a poem that is more than just an Elegy in his honor.
What language might better convey the respect and admiration I have for this man?
Elliot: The pantoum totally works. You did a great job keeping the flow. However, the first poem has several punctuation errors (I think) but the idea is neat.
ReplyDeletein response to the question about your ballad poem: I think its fine the way it is, you tie everything in well.
ReplyDeleteIn response to the question about your Pantoum poem: Yes I think it would help a little more if you tried to make it more connected. Possibly altering your word choice ( ex: but isnt society aganist we )
@AMEER
ReplyDeleteApostrophe
Q :Is this enjoyable to read? Its really shallow and extremley straightforward and I was hoping it's simplicity and straightforwardness got it across immediatley. I guess I wanted it to be more about the idea than the actual lines of the poem. Did that happen? Did it work?
i enjoyed reading this poem. i liked the idea a lot i liked how you made it clear that purple obviously isnt there to thank but just as a color it helped you.
-REEMA
@Kierra:
ReplyDeleteBoth of these poems are very well done. I definitely understand the emotion put into the first one and the significance to the second one. You can definitely complete the first one into a hit making song
Elegy
ReplyDeleteNever again will the sun rise,
All the light of your world went out with your eyes,
I am trying with all of my might,
To get one ounce of sleep tonight.
"Where did you go?" I sat debating,
I always thought there was nothing waiting,
Unappealing is the thought of rotting away in dust,
How do you know what words you can trust?
Apostrophe
O childhood,
Am I done with you when I turn eighteen?
Am I ever done with you?
I really hope not.
I miss your glory days so much,
The world of now is way too rough.
And I hear it just gets tougher,
I'm ready to go back,
Please can I go back.
I dont really like either of these, please let me know how to improve them.
-Cory
@Karl
ReplyDeleteI didn't think the poem was depressing at all. It wasn't the happiest, but there truly isn't anything wrong with being a bit mysterious sometimes. Overall a very great appealing poem.
@ Bria
ReplyDeleteThe last stanza was absolutely fine. Great job on both poems, that you listen to your I-Pod at least 6 hours a day was funny.
Karl