Alliteration
Bouts-Rimes
Syllabic Verse
Tercet
Post the two-three poems you like the best out of the group from this packet. Include the style you chose to explore.
After your poem, write a few sentences about why you like these particular poems.
In addition, write one question you have about how you can improve your poem. - Peers are assigned to respond to these questions on a regular basis.
Click on "__ comments" at the bottom of this post to publish your comments. Under "Choose an identity", select "Name/URL" and enter your name. First initial and Last name are the best. Sign your post with your real name. I cannot give you credit if I do not know who you are.
DUE: Wednesday, January 26
Alex Worix
ReplyDeleteSyllabic Verse
She was just a really young farmer
Who had a dream to become a star
She had travelled so many miles
In reality she wont go far
The destiny had been limited
Very tarnished like metal to rust
Yet the hills were calling her whole name
Only to just be left in the dust
I like this poem because i got to practice how to create better rhythm and put words together.
Alliteration
The mindless murderer was on the loose
He was prowling the allies like many moose
Children chirp and bee’s buzz
But who is going to catch him? The fuzz?
Dreams discovered in the night sky
Are captured like many frolicking flies
Wait he is jailed from now on
The mindless murderer is now loving long.
I liked this poem because it was quite a challenge to try to get the certain words to click together.
I was just wondering should i improve on rhythm a little more and putting words together? Do they sound like they would flow well out-loud?
Alliteration
ReplyDeleteFrustrating, fragile, peniless fools
all the f words this universe holds
Oh people behold my wrath, my rage
give me back what i ask and let me turn the page
I beg, I swear oh sweet normalcy
Let me have back to back to become what i wonce wanted to be
Forgive my anger agitating among these lines
but you would understand, handyou been in my position
and signed without reading the fined lines...
Oh its frustrating, those cheap crazy c's
I cant believe those bipolar chameleons cant see
Why do they need to be so adaptive and fake
I forget fools like them, and leave them in their place
And to no conclusion can this chameleon come
Perhaps he'll "C" the day he comes through from the cove
I like this poem because i managed to write it my first time through, in class, and it was surprisingly long too. I had trouble doing the Alliteration style intentionally, so I tried to focus on something else while using as many similar letters as possible.
I wanted to know if anyone thought this actually worked? I've been having second thoughts as to if its even alliteration. I was also wondering if it was really vague or if it actually made some sense?
Bouts - Rim(e)s
Oh the thought that twiddled liek a beauty
And that description that wouldnt sit-- unruly
Why does the best oppurtunity escape and leave rudley
While the least needed, and least wanted sit cooly
I thought this one was fun and short. if it was really vague, Its just about good ideas escaping you when you dont have a pen to write them down immediatley, while stupid and useless ideas just stay in your head when their of no use.
Im curious to know if this one was really cheesy and if the whole forgetting your good ideas "meaning" actually got through, or if it was really vague.
Alliteration.
ReplyDeleteNight and Day
The waves where calm tonight unlike every other night.
Seashells where out in the open, crabs hidden in their secret
spots, forbidden to be out at night tucked away from the scary world.
The sun started peaking over the horizon as the night turned into day.
The scent of sea salt and passion of the ocean surrounded the sea critters that
had just awakened to the scene.
It was now day and the sun was shinning bright.
No longer calm and serene, everything exuded light.
The seashore was full of toes, and sparkly toenails.
The waves where strong it was no longer night.
The sun shone and bluebirds sang goodbye night
Syllabic Verse
The City
City lights all around her.
The skyline was very bright.
City girl she’s used to noise.
Sirens and activity
symbolizes this girls dream.
The city that’s always awake.
Sweet home Chicago is the town.
She lays her head to rest and looks,
out the window at her own city.
I liked both of these poems because i wrote them out of my comfort zone. Im used to writing about certain topics, so I decided to take a chance and it worked out well for me.
Bria Griffith
My thoughts aren't to jumbled in the first poem, but I want to know how I can put my thoughts together smoothly or if I should take out anything?
Rondeau
ReplyDeleteDuring my trip to the zoo
I lost my shoe
I saw all the creatures
Sitting on the bleachers
Thy didn’t have a clue
They looked so blue
I asked them to do
And show me all their cool features
During my trip to the zoo
All of a sudden the penguin flew
And went to call his crew
They got sick of the reachers
Trying to get the animals off the bleachers
So to get them away they screamed “boo!”
During my trip to the zoo
Bouts-Rimes
I had to swear
That I was being good
It only seemed fair
I didn’t know if I should
They believed me finally
I got some peace
They shouldn’t have taken it so literally
I just wanted to go to Greece
i like both these poems because the first one is kind of silly and i was creative with the second one . Since i did not have someone to write a list of words for me I just looked around me and picked out a bunch of words so that was fun to put together and write .
Do these poems make sense? and in what ways can i improve them?
Reema hamadeh
Alliteration:
ReplyDeleteRain
When rain runs down my windowpane
My eyes get glossy and gradually glaze over
Humidity hovers, barometric pressure plummets
And slowly I slip into the most soundless of slumbers
Bouts-Rimes:
Part Two
I sit here writing essay after monotonous essay,
Though an enticing blanket of snow has fallen anew
Day and night, on my computer I must stay
Because during this winter break, I am a slave to part two
In fact most of us are, that is, from the current class of 2011
Since at this particular point, there is but one thing left
We fill out our names, our birthdates, and our greatest learned lessons
Fatten our resumes with holiday feasts to call ourselves deft
So is it the start or finish…I cannot decide which part is worse
Next comes the four months of waiting They have in store for me
Of one thing I am sure, that seniors are struck with a curse
The rest is up to Them so what’s next? Stay tune for part three!
Syllabic Verse (Haiku):
Part Three
I anxiously wait
While the committees review
My application
I like these poems because the last two relate to me right now and flow together but at the same time they diverge into seperate styles of poetry. I had fun writing in alliteration and finding words that started with the same letter and still flowed together.
Question: I ran into dead ends with all of these poems because I couldn't find anything else that would fit. How can I make my poems longer?
Bilal Ghani
ReplyDeletePoem
When a mother looked at her newborn child
She knew it was love at first sight
Her baby cried loud and clear that she smiled
Then she hugged her girl and sang a lullaby in the night
She watched her everyday
Seeing the changes as she grew
Her love for her never went astray
Her heart is always true
She waited for her child to come home
And when her girl entered her room
She saw the dress which was like foam
Then she smelled a sweet perfume
Her child spoke the words that was with value
She let her tears flow and whispered “I love you!”
Bilal Ghani
Poem
I am none but a king of justice
I am none but a warrior with courage but a faithful servant
I am the idol with no fear always the dreamer
I am the powerful rider
I am the fearless rider
I am none but a king of justice
I am none but a king of calmness
I must get down to business
I must make a stand
And let myself say a command
Then the blessing of peace will come with boldness
I am none but a king of justice
Bilal Ghani
Poem
Look at me and see who I am today
I wear a kufi over my head
Showing modesty and humility to God when I pray
The world believes everything they read
Muslims are cruel and terrorists
It makes all to stand in unifying stead
My tears flow when I see my people being harassed
When they do no wrong
All the same it makes us to be the bravest
We show the world where we really belong
No matter what they say
We will sing to the world our peace song
It will make the world sway
And not to judge me by my face
The world will cry for me to stay
Now, the world will spin around with grace
Thinking of all the equality in its home
We all will not be in disgrace
Bouts-Rimes
ReplyDeleteBreathing, thinking, looking
Staring out onto the distance trying to listen
Breathing, thinking, looking
Searching the stars to come upon a sudden glisten
Breathing, thinking, looking
Wondering why there’s so much hurt and pain
Breathing, thinking, looking
Trying to keep from going insane
Breathing, thinking, looking
Looking out and studying the black sea
Breathing, thinking, looking
Wondering why me
Rondeau
Continuously pondering what life would be like if I didn’t complain
But only if you could imagine the pain I feel
The way you left me
It didn’t seem real
Can it be changed, or will you continue to soar above
Was it me? Did I do something wrong?
Continuously pondering what life would be like if I didn’t complain
The wind from your life stirs upon my sea of tears
Splendid slippers of dangerous fears
Continuously pondering what life would be like if I didn’t complain
But how could you leave me now
I feel like I’m about to go insane
-Kierra Morris
I liked my Rondeau poem because it explains how I felt when I lost a really close family friend. I liked my Bouts-Rimes poem because I was care free when I wrote it, and I love what that amounted to!
Any comments?
NIA KAI DAVIS
ReplyDeleteSyllabic Verse
Just you and me
Together we can run away
Like little drops
Running fast against gravity
Make an effort
To be my one and only love
Grasp both my hands
And dance with me under the stars
As on spirit
I am your rock your peace shelter
Forever be
My unquestionable amigo
***I like this poem because it was short and sweet. I love the topic of how love influences relationships because I believe no one ever quite figures it out. Poems allow you to dream about what you want in reality, and this is my love utopia.
How is this distinguished from a haiku?
Alliteration
Reformations leads to the transformations
A recreation of the current nation
And a dedication to education
A combination of alliteration
Is the incorporation of determination
The elimination of deprivation
***I like this poem because it was simply fun to write. I wrote this as fast as I could without stopping, then read it back to myself to see if it made sense and it kind of did! I love the play on words.
What is the best way to begin this style of poetry?
Alliteration:
ReplyDeleteWhat is the deal with the dummies?
They’re a terribly tiring race.
They take all the joy out of moments,
And toss it all over the place.
I’d prefer to fight dinos and dingoes,
Or deal with an elephant’s breath,
Than deliver to a dummy a moment
That doesn’t involve their own death.
Alliteration is always fun when done well, and I particularly like humorous alliterative poems. This was my initial goal, but as all my ideas were... weak, I went with something else. Happily it turned comical, though it still retains some darker undertones, which is a nice contrast.
Question:Do the last two lines of the first verse need better alliteration? That is, do they keep with the rest of the poem, or are they out of place?
Syllabic Verse:
Friendly tech support favor
Giving advice to my friends
Did you check the batteries?
Syllabic involves numbers, which are always interesting to play with. In this case, I have 3 lines of 7 syllables, which are my two favorite single digit numbers. They also multiply to be my favorite number, 21. The content of this poem, unfortunatly, is mostly unrelated to that number play, something which I would like to improve.
Question: Should I have more variety of syllables in each line? IE, still a pattern, but instead of all the same number of syllables, perhaps 4 syllables followed by 5, then 4, then 5, like an ABAB format.
this was a fun set of poems. i enjoyed writing these poems. i like wrting about about a mothers love because a mothers love is important and no one knows a mothers love unless thye are a mother.
ReplyDeleteis there a faster way to write poems because i have a hard time thinking about a topic and its really hard for me to put it in words
Syllabic
ReplyDeleteI am doing homework now,
It is late and I need sleep.
Two more lines and I'll be done,
Hope you enjoyed reading this.
Tercet
What's the matter with you, man?
take it easy and go out!
stop with staring at the fan.
Then outside you see the sun,
in your shorts and with your shades.
meet your friends and have some fun!
It is green and hot and calm,
suddenly it starts to rain.
Go back inside and be a bum.
I liked these two poems, especially the last one, because the second one includes some personal feelings and thoughts and I'm glad I could put them in a poem.
I had some trouble with the Syllabic. I didn't really know what to write. What do you think about it?
Karl Schmelzing
@Reema
ReplyDeleteQ:Do these poems make sense? and in what ways can i improve them?
A: The first poem was funny and quirky. It was all over the place, I think you should pick more of a focus.
With the second poem it made sense, until i got to the last line. It's a great idea, but maybe find a way to reword the end.
Bilal, your poems are really deep and I like that about them. You really have the ability to fully submerge yourself into the characters you write about. There are a few grammar issues which is the only thing i'd change. Besides that I love them.
ReplyDelete@BRIA
ReplyDeleteQ:My thoughts aren't to jumbled in the first poem, but I want to know how I can put my thoughts together smoothly or if I should take out anything?
i like your poems, the first one had a lot of detail and i think that is the best part about it. for coming out of your comfort Zone these poems are pretty good.
i like the second one the most . i dont have anything else to say except that if your really wanted you could make the second poem longer
- REEMA
Kierra @ Palmer
ReplyDeleteIn response to your question about your Alliteration poem: I think its a fun poem but as you stated your last two lines could use a little work. I only say this because as I was reading your poem those last two lines in the first stanza threw me off of a bit. I might add, did a great job with rhyming the first and fourth lines in each stanza
In response to your Syllabic: I honestly think the pattern you chose is fine.
@Ameer:
ReplyDeleteI wanted to know if anyone thought this actually worked? I've been having second thoughts as to if its even alliteration. I was also wondering if it was really vague or if it actually made some sense?
I think this poem really fit the style of a alliteration. Through the words I felt power and emotion which really makes the poem stand out. This poem did actually make sense, because I knew exactly what you were talking about and it was relatable.
Im curious to know if this one was really cheesy and if the whole forgetting your good ideas "meaning" actually got through, or if it was really vague?
I think this poem was great and I did get the whole "meaning" of it, but one thing that might give it a little more life is changing up some of your rhyming words. They all ended with the "y" sound to it, which is good but more diversity in rhyming patterns might make it pop out even more.
Bout Rimes-nocturnal hallucinations
ReplyDeletemorning came,
dreams gone now.
whose to blame?
outside worlds too scary and loud,
walk out your front door and get maimed.
I think I'll get back on my cloud,
where it doesn't matter who or what is tamed,
because when I'm asleep,
there is no physical pain.
tercet
unusual
usually
it's beautiful
fully understanding
the incomprehensibility of life
but knowledge and wisdom keeps expanding
life's demanding
might fall sometimes,
still keep landing.
im having trouble figuring out title of the second one, please help. any thoughts would help, thanks.
-Cory
@ Cory
ReplyDeleteSince the second poem is about new experiences and the ongoing willingness to challenge every day I would suggest a title that has to do with changes, challenges, the ignorance of the future etc. I think if you would choose the title though it would fit better. I enjoyed reading the poems !
Rondeau:
ReplyDeleteOh a monster rose up from the sea
By a harbor in old Italy .
The men wanted it dead
But the women all said,
Poor thing; don’t be cruel, let him be!
A squall foreshadowed their fate.
They caught on but just moments too late!
He devoured the town
From the hillside on down
Every man, woman and child it ate.
Oh a monster rose up from the sea…
Up once more the monster did float,
Perhaps just wanting to gloat.
But the monster soon died
With its smirking skull plied
By the prop of a new fangled boat.
Oh a monster rose up from the sea…
Alliteration:
Placed in latex, laced in plastic.
A pierced zip-lock baggie dribbles
Pathetically melting ice
Deliberately down the pitched
Garden wall. An escape.
Initially a nervous seep.
Pensive steps but release at last.
Probing trickle stumbling down
The sidewalk. Patiently.
Petering down to the pavement.
Hot tar black top surface shimmers
Still clutching to the day of heat.
Silently receiving a stream.
The dribble dwindles and wanes,
shriveling on parched pavement.
Out at last, evaporating…
Steam is the painful pangs of a
Completed cycle after all.
this is the second half of my post because I ran out of time on the first. I like Rondeaus because they remind me of limericks, which I believe to be the highest possible form of poetry. Rondeaus are simple, lyrical and fun to write. Alliteration just sounds really nice to me it's also a very flexible style to use. I wonder, can you have alliteration focus on two sounds or is only one allowed?